Do I have grit? It’s a question I often ask myself. In my head, I conjure up the classic movie depicting John Wayne with a weathered smile and an eye patch. I see the resiliency of the 14-year old preteen Mattie Ross. She is gritty, and the one who hires John Wayne’s character US Marshal Rooster Cogburn to deliver justice for her father’s death. Mattie chooses him because she believes he has “true grit”.
Over the years, I’ve consumed books about people accomplishing remarkable things: heroic expeditions, scientific breakthroughs, artistic creations, and brand dynasties. I’ve read countless texts about men and women who have failed and failed again, only to achieve an otherworld kind of success because they persevered, they followed through with a constant focus. Against all odds, they broke through and created something life-changing for themselves and for society.
Talent is one thing, genius is another. But talent and a genius IQ won’t necessarily get you far if you don’t possess grit. According to the Merriam-Webster definition, grit is defined as “firmness of mind or spirit : unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger.”
Turning the concept of grit outcomes into a mathematical equation:
“Talent × effort = skill. Skill × effort = achievement” (source: Angela Duckworth).
I just finished the New York Times bestseller Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by psychologist Angela Duckworth. It’s a compilation of stories that share keen insights on what it takes to have a path towards outstanding achievement. She tells accounts of ‘grit paragons’ who broke the ceiling of what was expected of them, including national spelling bee champ Kerry Close, Cinnabon president Kat Cole, legendary 49ers QB Steve Young, Will Smith, and UK comedian Francesca Martinez.
One of the major takeaways of Duckworth’s book is her stance on education and parenting. As parents, we can be gritty role models for our children. If children fail at something, encourage them to get up and approach tasks with tenacity. If they lack goal-seeking focus, help them understand and aspire to long term goals. It’s OK to be demanding and to have high expectations, as long as its balanced with unconditional love and indefatigable support. I see nothing wrong with setting a high bar because I do so out of love and consideration for their bright future.
I have had continuous lessons in grit, largely due in part to my own gritty parents. Under their wing, I was able to grow academically and I learned the value of tenacity. I’ve been knocked down, only to get back up, ready for the next round. When someone tells me I can’t do something (and I have heard this before in various contexts), I possess even greater resolve to persevere. Because that’s what gritty people do.
I love creating memorable experiences for my kids and finding special occasions to bring us closer together. Whether that’s a weekend adventure, a trip to a museum, or creative projects at home. With two young kids, I almost always feel exhausted at the end of any project or endeavor. My son is also at an age where he is over-the-top inquisitive. Parents, you know what I’m talking about.
My son, on the subject of Margherita pizza
Why is the pizza called Margherita? What are these green things? Do I have to eat them? What’s basil? Does basil grow in the ground or on trees? Did God make them? Does God eat basil? Can we get a pizza without basil? Actually, I just want pizza with no sauce, no cheese, no basil, and no tomatoes.
Me: No, because it’s no longer a pizza.
Fast forward: The basil and the tomato slices (on his side of the pizza) have been surgically removed.
You can tell which side is his side of the pizza.
I love that my son is curious. He has an existentialist mindset, questioning absolutely everything and defining his own sense of the world. Something we should always encourage as parents…to question things.
My daughter, when it comes to tea time
My youngest is a toddler with a bold personality. She can be a hurricane force of nature, and I can see the machinations behind her cherubic mien. In many ways, she and I are most alike. My mom says she is a mirror copy of what I was like at that age. Personality to boot. Embracing her English side, my daughter loves playing make-believe with tea sets and sipping from tiny cups.
Playtime with tea and cakes
My son was an easy toddler in comparison. He has a breezy, sunny personality and in my eyes, a total charmer. My daughter is far more intense in comparison, a roller coaster of fun and ebullience.
Afternoon tea with fine china
I had made an appointment to take my parents and the kids out for afternoon tea. It would be a first-time treat for my daughter and son. I thought “how cute” if I could dress up my girl in a frilly outfit and adorn her hair with a fascinator hat from her Auntie D. She was so good with her toy tea set. Surely this was an excellent idea.
Reality: Wrong, wrong, wrong.
The English Rose Team Room in San Francisco’s East Bay is a gorgeous place with fine bone china and tables covered in pretty tablecloth. Every inch of the place is covered in floral patterns. Very English I thought. But as soon as I walked in, I had a feeling of dread. Everything was in close quarters and the fine china looked incredibly delicate as I saw my toddler stomping her little feet.
Beads of sweat formed on my brow and on my upper lip. As we sat in chairs with little seat cushions, the server appeared and patiently walked us through the tea service.
Server was warm and friendly
Delicate teapots in the shape of chimneyed houses, cups with delicate handles, clattering saucers, gilded plates, and a 3-tier tray of finger foods appeared. Every inch of the table was covered with dangerously breakable items. Did I want hibiscus tea or mint tea? Cucumber sandwich or egg sandwich? Scone with clotted cream and jam, or carrot cake? Sugar cookie or apple pie? Everything was sumptuous, but I was too busy hovering around my little girl to have much of an appetite. Making sure she didn’t touch this or that, or worse actually drink anything from a tea cup.
I looked over at my son. He was enjoying himself and was quite happy with his special meal and apple juice in a tea cup. Bonus, he found a tiny dish of M&Ms next to his flower shaped PB&J sandwich. Talk about finger food!
Happy with his kid-friendly meal
My son was a perfect little gentleman and made his momma proud. My daughter, on the other hand, was building herself into a quite a state. Of course she wanted to interact with the fine ladies sitting at adjacent tables. An elderly pair were having a polite conversation to our right, while the table to our left had the most well-behaved pair of young sisters, bows and all. This was not going to be my day.
My daughter bellowed that she wanted to get down from her chair. Nana and I promptly escorted my mini-me outside where they had pretty tables and tea sets displayed in a garden party setting. Phew, disaster averted. We had escaped outside.
My girl running around in the garden party setting
Pretty soon a stuffed bunny with long floppy ears caught my daughter’s eye. She managed to decapitate it with one quick swoop of her energetic arms. The bunny’s head was fortunately affixed to a wooden stick, so I was able to easily re-attach the head to its floating body. Another potential crisis averted.
So much for finding respite outdoors, the garden party setting was rife with adorable breakables. With defeated looks, we marched right back inside.
With nana by her side, she dips her pirouette smack dab in a frosted cupcake
We finally got my little one to take a few bites of her meal. She managed to dip her pirouette straight into the frosting of a pink cupcake, and made a little mess of things. Bits of her beautiful floral PB&J sandwich ended up on her lap, and she slingshot launched the fascinator hat, nearly hitting me in the face. Her idea of sitting in a chair was to stand, so she was at eye-level with all of us. Did she think she was the Queen of England?
Our afternoon tea outing turned to be an abbreviated visit, and we left with a generous doggie bag filled with all the sumptuous food we had not been able to enjoy.
We’ll come back in a couple years
Afternoon tea in the future
In summary, I loved the ‘idea’ of experiencing afternoon tea with the kids. My son happily nibbled on all the finger foods and loved the whimsy of the tea settings. It was too much to expect my toddler daughter to sit still for even a few minutes. Would I go back? Absolutely! But I’ll wait a while until my daughter is a bit older. At the moment, we’re better off taking her to the local pumpkin patch.
Avocado toast with a medium or soft boiled egg appeals to my Seussian sensibilities. I am picturing Green Eggs & Ham and substituting it with this heart healthy beauty. Why the obsession with the avocado toast? In its simplicity (and glory), this little meal is raw avocado smeared on perfectly browned toasts topped with a pinch of cracked pepper, seasoning, and a little drizzle of extra virgin olive oil. You can make your avocado toasts even daintier by cutting them into beautifully thin triangular toasts. Want to make an Instagram masterpiece? Amplify the composition of the avocado toast by going the extra gourmand mile. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s talk about why this is the perfect meal or snack.
Nutrient Dense
Avocados are a stone fruit. Yup, that big round stone in the center takes up precious real estate in an otherwise creamy fruit. It’s supposedly the only fruit that contains a healthy dose of MUFA (monounsaturated fatty acids), and not to be confused with that delightful muffaletta — a meat-lovers sandwich of Creole origins. So I digress!
Avocados (as you probably read or have been told) are nutrient dense fruits and contain nearly 20 vitamins and minerals. You can toss out those vitamin supplements (I guess this is a subject for a future post). Much has been written about the humble avocado. Having read multiple books on nutrition, including Joel Furhman’s The End of Dieting: How to Live for Life, Forks over Knives, and How Not to Die by Michael Greger, there are some obvious conclusions on the benefits of avocado consumption done in moderation. While there is conflicting evidence-based research when it comes to the benefits and limits to avocado consumption, in its natural state not overladen with heavy guacamole (chip n’ dip) situations, it’s safe to say that you are doing your body good by having an avocado toast.
Blue Zone Approved
Dr. Greger on his NutritionFacts.org site validated claims that the avocado has anti-inflammatory effects and research showing that it can actually help to lower cholesterol and triglycerides. If you ever read Blue Zones by Dan Buettner, there is plenty of evidentiary literature that discusses the benefits of extra virgin olive oil as a healthy plant-based oil. A drizzle of that is Blue Zones approved.
If you’re concerned about weightier matters, then go sparingly on the olive oil and don’t overdo your avocado consumption just because of the stated health benefits. Moderation and lowering daily stress are key facilitators of healthier living. With our increasingly sedentary lifestyles and lack of regular daily physical activity, it’s even more critical to be mindful of what we put into our bodies.
The Good Egg
What about the eggs you say? Eggs are a great source of protein (in moderation please). The whites of the egg are said to be a great source of selenium, vitamin D, B6 and B12. And, you can find mineral composition of zinc, iron and copper. Eggs are good for the eyes as they contain lutein and zeaxanthin, which are helpful in combatting macular degeneration. Yep! As we age, our eyesight goes. Eggs are also sources of cholesterol, so don’t go creating a leaning tower of eggs on your toastie.
Avocado Toastie Recipe
Want to make your own avocado toastie? Pick two slices of your favorite toasting bread. I personally love the Udi’s Delicious Soft White (GF) bread for toasting. Set the toaster to a higher setting if you want a perfectly crunchy brown toast.
Make sure the avocado you use is nice and ripe. Slice into thin slices (or you can mash it up with a fork). All depends on your preference. Place the avocado slices on each of the toasts and take half of a boiled egg and place it on top. Then crack some fresh ground black pepper and throw a couple pinches of TJ’s seasoning salt. Drizzle extra virgin olive oil on top, and you’re good to go!
Ingredients
2 slices of bread
1/2 ripe avocado (thinly sliced)
Tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil
Cracked black pepper
Pinches of Trader Joe’s Seasoning Salt (all-in-one savory mix of granulated onion and garlic, sea salt, paprika, celery seed, nutmeg, and dry mustard)
1 boiled egg (soft or medium) optional. Halved for presentation.
BTW, this image was taken at The Press Cafe. But you get the gist. Avocado toasts are easy to make and consume. And if you want to fork out $6 or more, you can get a delicious avocado toast at one of your favorite local haunts.
The holidays are always an epic display of twinkling lights, iPhone portrait moments, gift-giving action, and a merry-making smorgasbord of delicious eats and drink. The magic of Christmas brings back childhood nostalgia, and memories in-the-making with family and friends. After a month-long cycle of feasting, I’m ready for a bit of detox and self-improvement.
New Year’s resolution – it’s that time again! This is where a pen and notepad come in handy, and I prioritize smart resolutions. Scouring the Internet, the Huffington Post quotes Amanda Stemen, a therapist and coach, who defines SMART as “specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely” goals. I’ve prioritized resolutions to an achievable list of five, which may resonate with you.
1) Follow through on a Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG). Why start out easy? I want to focus on a major goal that can have life-changing implications and take me out of my comfort zone. You probably have a BHAG that you’ve been ruminating about, and 2019 may just be the year to see it through.
2) Focus on the most important things and filter out the noise. With all the distractions that exist in this world, sometimes the hardest thing to do is to focus on what’s most important. This is where I focus on the most important things and people in my life. Happy and successful people are able to do this well.
3) Cook more and keep a bowl of fresh fruit visible at all times. It’s so easy to eat out or get take away on any given day, but I appreciate the process of cooking and creating healthier meals that contribute to longevity. I’ll have my cheat days, but overall I am committed to cooking more and being more mindful about what I eat.
4) Declutter with more of a minimalist mindset. I’ve been inspired by Marie Kondo’s book on the magic of tidying, and she makes the concept of cleaning as a life-changing revelation. I love the concept of only keeping items that have repeat utility and spark joy. Less is definitely more.
5) More family time in an analog kind of way. This is where we put technology aside and focus on activities that are fun and enriching for the family. Rediscovering classic board games, reading books, baking, exploring, and getting craft-y together.
I grew up with Skippy peanut butter and PB&J sandwiches. I remember watching The NeverEnding Story, and noting the times that Bastian huddled under a dusty blanket munching on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As he pleaded to save Fantasia and the rainstorm thundered outside, he made his way through that comforting sandwich bite by bite. He seemed to have an endless supply of it while locked away in the school’s attic.
I’ve always enjoyed peanut butter and the various iterations of nut butter, including almond, cashew and even walnut butter. But nut butters have become the anathema of school lunches. The dangers of peanut allergies and sensitivities have gotten so much attention over the years. As a responsible parent, I understand and appreciate the safeguards we have in place to protect children who have life-threatening allergies.
At home, we enjoy the occasional PB&J sandwich on the weekends. Peanut butter is a good source of protein and comes packed with macronutrients. I’ll happily spread peanut butter on a slice of toast.
PBM: A Southern Comfort
One thing I had never tried was a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich. After reading about it in the Huffington Post article Peanut Butter And Mayo: The Sandwich That May Divide Us All, of course I was intrigued. I’ve always been interested in the time of the Great Depression (1929-1939), as it was both a devastating period and one of sea-change. The decadent roaring twenties led into a melancholic decade filled with jazz, blues, gospel and swing. One of the Southern comfort foods to come out of the Great Depression was the PBM sandwich. When food was scarce, folks could improvise with the less perishable white bread, peanut butter and mayonnaise. The combination was protein and calorie dense. The Huffington Post article referenced an older article from Garden & Gun, which provides a satisfying narrative of what it must have been like to have PBM as a saving grace, as well as a bit of childhood nostalgia for those who grew up eating it.
We all know that Elvis, the King himself, enjoyed a good peanut butter and banana sandwich. He may have even had a craving for PBM. Remembering my 18-hour road trip to Graceland years back, I knew I had to try it to satisfy my curiosity.
The experimental lunch
My daughter presided over the sandwich-making exercise, squealing with delight as she would be getting her toddler hands into the creative process. We went with GF white bread for the grown-ups, and soft brioche rolls for the kiddos. I grabbed a jar of Skippy’s for the grown-ups and Adam’s peanut butter (no additives) for the kids.
Simple ingredient list:
– Peanut butter
– Mayonnaise
– Ripe Banana
– White sandwich bread (and brioche rolls for the kids)
Simple ingredient list: peanut butter, mayo, a banana, and bread
Unlike some of the photos you may have seen, I used mayonnaise rather sparingly. The mayo could be overpowering, and I wanted to avoid pushing sourness into the peanut butter combo. I added sliced bananas. We had the natural sweetness of the ripe bananas, the tang of mayo, and the creaminess of peanut butter.
PBM in progress
The hubs and son were worthy participants. They both examined the lunch in trepidation, and then with a little encouragement, took the plunge. My normally picky son finished his sandwich with surprising efficiency and exclaimed “I like it.” The hubs commented that the mayonnaise combination had made the peanut butter creamier in consistency and taste. The sourness all but went away with the inclusion of the banana slices. Overall, my son gave a hiked thumbs up.
Enjoying the PBM sandwich
The Verdict
The PBM was tasty enough, but didn’t rival my childhood PB&J. The experimental lunch satisfied my curiosity, and I understood why it had become a beloved staple during a time when food was scarce.
On a cold, rainy day, I am still in the camp of eating a PB&J, huddled under a blanket while watching Bastian save Fantasia for the umpteenth time.
I don’t know when pumpkin picking commanded such mass hysteria, but it has reached epidemic proportions in the latter part of October. This past weekend, we celebrated a friend’s birthday at G&M Farms in the San Francisco East Bay, and it was a glorious mob scene of parents and children. I swear the humans outnumbered the pumpkins slumbering on a vacant field. Tired zombied parents pulling their unencumbered kids and giant pumpkins collectively in dusty, red radio flyer wagons.
Enjoying the corn maize labyrinth
There was no escaping the bags of sweet-smelling kettle corn, painted scarecrows, Indian corn, pony rides, and bales of hay designed into an elaborate maize labyrinth. I was half-expecting David Bowie’s Jared the Goblin King to bust out like the Kool-Aid man from the white-washed barn between us and the corn maize. But no — it was just the dads slinging kids on their shoulders while waiting in line for the next pony ride.
Riding a wee little pony
Pumpkin season is the formal acknowledgement of fall, the precursor to the holiday madness of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and every fourth quarter celebratory occasion. It is a rite of parental passage that is both a timeless classic and Instagrammable sensation. If you have a young child, pumpkin picking is nearly inescapable, unless you’re traveling out of the country during the month of October.
Pulling up my Instagram feed, I am duly inundated with photos of adorable babies and tots smiling with orange pumpkins in the background. Glamorous women guilelessly reposing against a backdrop of white-washed pumpkins, gourds, and chip proof manicures.
Pumpkins are as Americano as pumpkin pie, as this luscious squash is thought to have originated in North America with references dating centuries past. I am a big proponent of the fall tradition welcoming pumpkin spice with a vengeance – pumpkin spice coffee, pancakes, cereal, cakes, and popcorn. As with all holiday traditions, I am happy to go all out as I relive the magic of childhood.
I look at my kids most days with a mixture of pride, amusement, and befuddlement. Sometimes I feel like a bystander watching them with soft observant eyes, comparing mental notes to my own childhood. Was I that spunky? Was I that incredibly loud? Did I have that same kind of crazy kid energy? Hmmmm….I think you know the answer.
At that age, I was watching Sesame Street and The Great Space Coaster, unpacking toys from my hallowed Happy Meals, hoarding bazooka gum wrappers to read later, and playing chase with the wily ginger-haired twins down the street. I remember taking pride in my red suspenders and bright corduroy pants, patched up at the knees with bright quilted flowers and butterflies.
I remember having a quiet, thoughtful conversation with a neighborhood friend, asking why her shoes were two sizes too big. They were careworn hand-me-downs. Her mom said she would grow into them. Looking back, I realized her mom couldn’t afford a new pair. As young kids we didn’t quite understand. It didn’t quite register until years later. Instead we laughed and played with whatever we could get our hands on, often coming home with dirt smudged on our faces and a twinkle in our eyes.
Then there was the evolution of my hair. Bowl cut graduated to pigtails graduated to ponytail graduated to spiral perm. Full stop.
Little old me
Flipping through the leaves of an old family album, I would remember things with greater clarity. History condensed down to these album pages. I pause.
When did I become my parents? Why did childhood summers seem to last forever while the last few months race by – only to remind me of my own ephemerality. When did I become so old?
My solitary moment is shattered when my toddler daughter chortles and rolls around on the floor. She’s swiffering the floor gleefully with the force of her entire body. At the very same moment, not even a yard away, my son is obsessively doing the floss. His arms swinging back and forth with metronome precision, rapid-fire style. It’s a race in a never-ending loop. Impressive. Thank you Fortnite for this mind-numbing visual.
Doing the floss
I can relate to my kids’ range of pure emotions that take them on a rollercoaster ride all in a 24-day cycle. Peals of laughter that would deafening in an echo chamber, hard stubborn expressions when the wrong sort of vegetables appear on their plates, and the saddest of disappointments when they fail at something important. I look at them through Seussian lenses, delivering the exaggerated character expressions that warrant their quizzical looks and verbal appeals of “mommmmmmmm…..”
While times have certainly changed, the fundamentals of being a kid have not. While we navigate our grownup world, we have the ability to hold on to our childhood essence for a lifetime. To play, to laugh, and to be authentic.
FlyteLiving 